Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Hump day


Being the middle of the week, Wednesdays are traditionally known as ‘hump day’ – but even moreso today, as I feel I’ve scaled a mountain and am standing on the peak, pounding my chest like Tarzan. It has been a great day!

Early this morning, before the cool of the night wore off, I was reading in my little screened porch when a handsome young buck (the real kind: a deer LOL) sauntered by. I paused to watch his grace as he cruised the yard, then effortlessly leaped over the barricade. (What a gift that must be!) I realize how fortunate I am to simply have the opportunity to retreat to a place like this: large in space and solitude; peaceful and bucolic. Blessings!

Rewarding myself with having written day and night since I arrived, I went to Sunstone winery to visit where I worked part time for five years – pouring in the tasting room, and writing the newsletter. What a stunning setting, fabulous wines, and delightful people (both co-workers and guests). The welcome was warm (as was the weather) and I was delighted to be back. Then I went to Sort This Out Cellars where my old colleague Michael is now making wines: a different venue with great blends and sassy labels; I enjoyed catching up – and seeing his daughters, who are now 11 and 13!! Time does change things, oft for the better ;-) Today I am feeling my strength, feeling confident and joyful; and understanding that every step I have taken in the past is one step closer to being the best ‘me’ I can in the future. I am feeling blessed ...

To top that off, as I left everyone in Solvang was eating ice cream in the heat of the day. Finally a lovely British couple pointed me in the direction of the ice cream shop, where I ordered a scoop of peanut butter ice cream. The clerk gave me a MOUNTAINOUS cone laden with ribbons of peanut butter and chunks of dark chocolate: out of this world! Now back at the ranch, where the heat has abated somewhat (mid-to-high 90s) I will admit: it’s finally siesta time ... signing off ...

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

I marvel at the beauty of nature. ‘The silhouette of the mountaintops, the contours of the ruddy hills, the perfect blends and contrasts of color, the streaky dawn in the sky. Birds cheerfully awakening even as insects are silenced by the advancing heat of the day. It is all so magnificent, I feel well and at peace. Nature! Perfect by design.

Last night a pack of coyotes scrambled and dashed madly around the house, their dissonant shrill yips and howls piquing confusion and fear in their prey. It was a warm, restless night – with just a thin screen separating me from the wild creatures and unusual noises of the dark.

But the morning was cool and delicious, and I got up and to work early. Deceived by the temperature inside the house, I went out to stretch my legs around 11:30 ... by the time I returned it had jumped from 95 to 104 degrees! No wonder I was the only living creature out at that hour -- I would have made easy mountain lion prey, but even they were too sluggish to hunt. After working a while, I reached back to my South American days and siesta’d during the worst of the heat; waking up at 5PM to eat and write deep into the night. Now it’s cooling off, time to crank open all the windows and let the refreshing evening air rejuvenate me.

Monday, September 27, 2010


The ground was so hot this little blue-bellied lizard was clinging to my window screen ... so I tickled his tummy ...

Indian Summer

‘Clawed my way through LA traffic. Lethargic with the heat, the cars slowed to a crawl; heatwaves shimmering psychedelically off the pavement. Even the coastal route was scorching as I twisted along the picturesque shores from Malibu to Santa Barbara, where I turned right.

As much as I love the ocean, it stirs me every time I wind my way up the San Marcos Pass. Today’s crystal clear view of the islands was spectacular but as I crested the mountain it was the panorama of the Santa Ynez Valley that took my breath away. The trees broke open to imposing peaks in the east – swathed in a dilute palette of pinks and khaki and beige. Below, the rolling hills along Paradise Road looked like yummy lumps of butterscotch, pocked with trees and rocks. Startled mule deer – their goofy ears splayed wide – paused in the shade of live oaks, searching for cool. A racket of crows stood watch over a vineyard; cottontails loped softly along the road; and the skeletons of ancient Chumash aps (their round dwellings of willow and grass) hid among trees that drooped from the heat.


It was 108 degrees today when I arrived at the reserve, where I am the only guest. Mi Casa is a rambling white ranch house with high, beamed ceilings, two fireplaces (which will go unused), and an ancient kitchen (which will be slightly used, as I didn’t really bring any ‘real’ food). When I actually ask and let God provide, he always does it in such style!


After writing, reading and meditating a bit, I fixed a salad and met Eric, the sweet and handsome young ranch hand. As we ate dinner he pointed out the sounds of the night: coyotes howling and hooting owls, and warned me of the possibility of ghosts. Swell. We cranked open every (screened) window in the house to lure the refreshing air in; in the morning my job is to run around shutting all the windows and shades before the cool can escape.


For now, I’m content to sit beneath the fan enjoying the brisk zephyrs, listen to the crickets and frogs, the occasional bark and howl, and write. :-)


CORRECTION! THE HIGH TEMP WAS 115.8! HOLY MOLY!

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Dinner at The Loveshack

Ringing the doorbell, I can see Joel through the window, perusing the mile-wide wine cellar... He snags a Riesling and a Pinot Noir, and answers the door. Sizzling, bubbling, whipping and stirring sounds ensue; a heady scent; a cold glass of wine; a warm conversation – dining at The Loveshack (aka Susan & Joel’s) is a stimulating experience in every way. I am tempted to lick the plate (too embarrassing, even for me) at the paté with caramelized apple on a bed of watercress and honey; and as Susan and I scrape every last morsel off the veal chops, I threaten (half-seriously) to toss the silverware and gnaw on the bone. Joel rags: “When was the last time you girls ate?!” It is a fun and heart-warming evening of catching up.


I married Susan and Joel ;-) At first I squirmed at the edict (Susan doesn’t ask, she proclaims) – marrying people is not my thing. I don’t even have a good record as a Maid of Honor! But she insisted and once I appreciated what an incredible privilege it was, I took the class, bought the license, and did a stellar job. I mean: here they are, years later – still flirting, sweethearts, ensconced in The Loveshack.


In my life I have been blessed with so many wonderful friends, and they sure know how to circle the wagons when I’m up a creek (whether knowingly or not). In the last day I’ve heard from Carolina in Argentina, Reylyn from Panama, Robin from England, Fabi in Brazil, and Judy – from that other foreign country, South Carolina LOL – just random, warm greetings and hellos. I feel loved and fortified.


Lise invited me over Thursday night to talk, and ended up making Cornish game hens with canned (we both confess our love of Green Giant!) green beans. Posed in the baking dish, the hens resembled a pair of prickly old ladies: their plump legs crossed and wings demurely covering their breasts. We giggled a lot.


Knowing I had to drive home, I didn’t have much wine (relatively speaking ...) but right before I left, Lise accidentally knocked her glass onto my lap. I was saturated and reeked! Lise bolted up to retrieve ... a towel? Some club soda? No! A can of Febreze! Suddenly she was dousing my cabernet soaked crotch with room freshener, and we laughed so hard we scared the dogs. I cannot imagine life without good friends to laugh (and sometimes cry) with.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

sanctuary

It was at the very bottom of a long, long list and my perfunctory search for a Bible study group was whittling down. ‘Well, I made the effort’ I was sighing, when the last entry in the roster popped up. Convenient day, perfect time, pertinent subject ... no excuses. I signed up.


In a world of so much clutter and cacophony, we might think that God does not speak to us, but truly, he does all the time: with one hand on our elbow to guide us; clearing the path; straightening our gaze. Yeah and sometimes drop kicking us in the right direction ...


I cannot express how much this group spoke to me today: a smiling and eager group of women, a soft welcoming, a powerful message about breaking free.


I am still reeling from the mess I made but this I know: to break free, I need to let it go – just put it on the altar and leave it to God.


Next week I’m going away (‘Running away from home again? You’re good at that,’ Connie describes). I’m crashing at a research station, looking for some sanctuary – in the truest sense of the word.

Monday, September 13, 2010

Spice of Life

Sept. 12

It was just a year ago that I woke up in Uruguay, brooding about how my euphoric attitude “This is my LIFE!” had gone down the tubes to sound more like “THIS is MY life???!!!”


“SEPT 12 2009 - I awoke not with the expected, ‘Where am I?’ or ‘What time is it?’ – but with absolute doom, wondering, ‘What the hell am I doing here and why is it so cold?!’ I am thousands of miles from home, in a #&$! freezing stone shack, working my ass off on a boat (for free!), about to embark on this utterly insane venture to Antarctica. I must have lost my fucking mind. So I slept in with the covers over my head to block out the sun, the cold, the whitewashed stone walls, the thatched roof, the smell of gasoline permeating the piles of crap stored in the loft ...”


Well that’s not pretty. But it’s absolutely how I felt.


Subsequently my trip turned into one of the most altering experiences of my life. Colorful, meaningful, flavorful. Literally – it seasoned my life. And everywhere I went, I was floored by the human spirit; the kindness of strangers; generosity, warmth and compassion. It is everywhere. How can the world be so full of war and evil and hate when everyone I meet is so filled with goodness? Not to be so naïve, I guess I am just fortunate to travel only in these circles. Blessed.


So here I am traveling again. This time, to the west coast of Florida, to visit a guy I met in Thailand. Now wouldn’t it figure I’d have to fly halfway around the world to meet a guy who ‘gets’ me. But apparently he does, and he totally rocks; and here I am once again counting my blessings, too numerous to count.


What have I done to deserve so much? It floors me. There is nothing I have done, nor could ever do, to earn this – there’s the simple fact. It is simply grace. There’s a bit of peace in that knowledge.

Saturday, September 4, 2010

Every child

Who would not absolutely melt over this adorable face? This is Daisy Love Merrick. She is five. She has cancer, and after vigorous therapies and the hope of remission, it has come back - in less than two months.

Daisy is the daughter of my minister from Carpinteria, Britt Merrick. Britt is so gifted by God; he and his wife and their friends started our church - which now numbers in the thousands and has founded other churches, from San Francisco to London. London!

So the irony is sharp, that such servants of God would be struck so harshly by this fate.

This is particularly poignant for me because Daisy Love has the same cancer that took my niece Brooke. With every surgery, every victory, every up, every down, I relive Brooke’s story; savoring the sweetness, suffering through the pain. And although I don’t really know Daisy Love, as a mother, I know that ache in the heart when your child suffers. The anguish is sharp, even among absolute strangers.

So I imagine now Abraham who at the age of 100, finally FINALLY has the son (with his 90 year old wife) God promised, when God calls him to Moriah saying, “Take now your son, your only son whom you love .. and offer him there as a burnt offering …” How his heart didn’t simply stop, I do not know.

And then you realize that Jesus, also, once was an adorable little boy - and his Father too had to lay him down ... The pain is inconceivable.

Abraham walked the path in faith, and in the end God was true to him. The Merricks too have faith of steel. They refuse to be destroyed. And they – and the entire extended family of church and community - pray zealously for Daisy Love; for joy and peace, strength and trust.

When Daisy Love’s relapse occurred (just after the family returned from vacation in Hawaii), she was hospitalized in a nearly catatonic state. For days she was unresponsive, fading, just a wisp of a girl at 36 lbs. Then she woke up. ‘Lively, spirited, and with a feverish appetite. Talking about her situation, she announced, “People are only one times important and God is like a thousand million billion googolplex important.”

Daisy Love’s scan this afternoon has miraculously shown that her new tumor – which was dangerously intertwined with major organs – has shrunk from the size of a grapefruit, to a sliver of tangerine: over 75%! It is hopeful that it can be removed now surgically – something that was impossible and improbably just two weeks ago. The power of prayer.

Psalm 22:5,24
To You they cried out and were delivered;
In You they trusted and were not disappointed.
For He has not despised nor abhorred the affliction of the afflicted;
Nor has He hidden His face from him;
But when he cried to Him for help, He heard.

See the Pray For Daisy Love website here